I sense undercurrents of past tortured, romantic heroes like Heathcliff, Mr Rochester and…
The story books talk about the beautiful princess meeting the handsome prince, falling in love and living happily ever after. They do not tell us how they live happily ever after.
And so – we tend to blame ourself when a relationship doesn’t work. But the way we relate both to ourself and others is all down to what we learned growing up. It’s why so many of us replicate our parents behaviour.
How you relate to others depends on your first relationships in life. The first with your Mother, how you two bonded, how happy your Mother was, how calm and loving she was. Then there’s your Father, again how happy, calm and loving he was. If you had siblings, what that relationship was like.
We don’t freely choose who we are, rather we are constantly adapting, unconsciously, fitting in with perceived expectations, others or our own. It’s a primitive instinct for survival. We fit into our family, school friends and teachers, often choosing a career we think we should, or following advice from parents and teachers.
Choosing a path that is thrust upon you, rather than freely chosen, affects who and how you are, your happiness. Being on the wrong path leads to frustration, anger, depression.
Good communication and the ability to compromise are keys to positive and happy relationships. Too often we listen to our own inner dialogue instead of talking about our feelings, and very importantly, asking others how they feel, and really listening to one another.
We do the “you make me” or “you do this”, rather than “I feel” nor “how do you feel?”
Counselling offers you the opportunity to discover your own abilities and talents. It’s a bit like you’ve been wearing the wrong clothes, now you get to choose the clothes that fit and are comfortable.
Being comfortable means your self-confidence grows, your relationship with yourself is happier and so, now, are all your relationships, as people are attracted by your calmness and self-confidence.
Life is very simple really, we humans seem to be very good at overcomplicating things.
Relationship therapy sets you free from your past, free to be your true self, free to love unconditionally.